Terms
In plain English, because I’d have to read them too.
Last updated 7 October 2026
1. Who I am
Ask the Village Idiots (VI) is run by me, Darren, a sole trader based in the UK. VI looks like an AI chatbot. It is not one. Every reply is typed by a human. I do not use AI to write, draft or edit replies.
Just me. Sorry.
2. It is not advice
Replies are for entertainment only. They are not legal, financial, medical, relationship or any other kind of professional advice, and you should not rely on them to make decisions.
Please do not buy the horse because of me.
3. Braincells
Each message you send uses one braincell. You get 3 free braincells a day, which reset at midnight UK time. Paid braincells are sold in bundles and never expire. Chat is open when I am online; when I am not, you can leave a message and I will reply when I am back. You must be 18 or over to use VI.
There is a queue. I am the queue.
4. Your chat
Your chat is linked to this device, not to an account. If you clear your browser data, your chat is gone. I may share funny exchanges on this site and on my social media, but never your name, email or anything that identifies you, and I may edit a question to remove identifying details. I do not edit my replies.
Your question, my answer, nobody’s name.
5. Serious questions
If you send me something serious, I will not joke about it and I will not publish it. I am not a counsellor, so if you are in crisis please contact Samaritans on 116 123, free, any time, or call 999 in an emergency.
Send it anyway. I’ll be decent.
6. What I will not answer
I bin messages that are abusive, threatening, sexual, illegal, spam, or aimed at a real, named person, and I can end any chat that does this. I do not have to answer any message and I do not have to explain why.
I’m an idiot, not a weapon.
7. Payments and refunds
Paying for “Next in line” or “Into the next 10” moves your message ahead of others; it does not change the answer. If I have not answered a paid message within 7 days, you can have a full refund. Unused braincell bundles can be refunded within 14 days of purchase. Chats ended for breaking these terms are not refunded.
If I’m slow, you get your money back.
8. Tips
Tips are voluntary gifts and do not buy you a faster or better answer.
A pint is a pint. Not a bribe.
9. Your data
I store your messages so the chat works, and I delete chats on request. I never sell or share your details. Contact [email protected] about anything to do with your data.
I am not selling your data to a man in a van.
Questions about any of this: [email protected]